In my 11 years of being a mom, my kids have never had an empty Christmas tree, until now!
My bills this month are more than my income so I can’t afford to buy the kids’ gifts. My heart breaks, as I know they’re all looking forward to Christmas. I’m still praying for a miracle but today is the 24th, I’m two days overdue for my 4th baby and yesterday was our parrot’s birthday plus my mom’s church Christmas party. I couldn’t participate in either. However my mom bought the kids’ gift for the church party so that will give the kids’ one gift each under the tree, still won’t be from me but better than nothing. My last daughter’s god mom put a gift under the tree for my 2 youngest and my dad sent gifts for each one of them. However it still comes down to “Mommy hasn’t given them anything“.
It’s stressful and heartbreaking but at least they have a mom who is alive, right? Doesn’t make me feel any better. I feel like a failure. This is not my portion! I don’t want my kids’ knowing this type of life and only I can change my current circumstances. But How?
I still have no idea, especially with a new baby on the way. I definitely want 2017 to be put behind me asap! I will make sure I start Christmas shopping in September to avoid such an embarrassing and stressful Christmas.
I have cried all my tears over my lack of being a great mom and I’m praying and hoping for a better outcome going forward. I don’t know if anyone can relate to what I’m saying, hopefully not, to be honest (I wouldn’t wish this on my worse enemy) but regardless this is my current situation: An empty Christmas tree, I wish it weren’t true…
GOD WILLING
The Struggles of a Mother of 4 